It’s week 16 and I wanted to write a little about week 15. Cuz I skipped it. I didn’t do much last week. In fact. I’d say week 15 was a week of “didn’ts.”
I didn’t write. Didn’t run. Didn’t do yoga. Didn’t care that I ate a grocery store aisle worth of Easter chocolate.
I felt, somewhere inside, that I wanted the week to be different. To do those things I hadn’t been doing. But want had too small a voice to change how I spent my time.
What I did do was wonder where my motivation had gone. I heard a quote that said: “If it matters to you, you find the time. If it doesn’t you find excuses.”
I normally subscribe to this sentiment. But I could feel what “mattered” somewhere inside. And I wasn’t making any excuses.
The truth was I just needed a break. I was exhausted. Run down. Not sick. Just blah. (Well, there were very nice moments last week with family for Easter and Dominique’s birthday. But my personal wish list was on the back burner.)
A book called the Four Agreements reminded me that we should always do our best. But the essence of “our best” is fluid, not fixed. It’s not a rigid schedule or a check list of must-dos. Our best is being in the moment, even if that moment isn’t what we planned.
We can’t put the same level of effort in when we’re sick as when we’re operating at 100 percent. And we can’t beat ourselves up for doing less on some days than on others.
So I gave in. I still felt tired. I still wanted to do more. But my week of didn’ts reminded me to be in the moment. To allow myself to go off script and give myself a break.
And that felt like, ahhhhh, balance.